Rodney Dangerfield

Bekannte Zitate von Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.