Woody Allen

Bekannte Zitate von Woody Allen

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.