Groucho Marx

Bekannte Zitate von Groucho Marx

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.