Erma Bombeck

Bekannte Zitate von Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

God created man, but I could do better.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Children make your life important.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.