Joan Rivers

Bekannte Zitate von Joan Rivers

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Never floss with a stranger.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.